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Tomorrow will be 8 years.
I want to be better.
I want to leave it in the past.
I want to focus on the positives.

I also want to hide under the covers but my bed is not a safe zone.
I don’t like staying in bed.
I want to clean everything.
I will clean everything, then I will suffer the effects but the distraction will serve it’s purpose.
I want to stay numb and feel at the same time.
I want to feel just enough that I don’t get caught up and consumed by the intensity.

Today I’m distracting.
Yesterday I was argumentative about my feelings.
The day before I was numbing my brain with dumb movies.

What will tomorrow hold? I have no idea.
I will be leaving the house.
I can do that now… that’s improvement and I’m grateful to have come far enough that the fear isn’t as paralyzing.

Wonder what the hell I’m talking about?
Here’s a link to my old blogger account and last years blog.
“Glad You’re Alive Day”
I just don’t have the staying power to write something that will take longer than 5-10 minutes.
I’m in distraction mode and I’m liking it!