Right now the hamper is overflowing and I can’t do laundry.
Some of you would be jumping for joy and thanking the Universe that there was a good reason to avoid the menial task. If you know me, you KNOW that this drives me batty! I actually like washing and drying laundry. Putting away… that’s another story.
More importantly, I hate that sinking feeling that hits me when asked “do I have a pair of jeans in the dryer?” and my reply is, “ummm, no”. I feel like I have failed. Like somehow I have attempted to sabotage the feeling that a favorite pair of pants can give. Of course that isn’t the reality, I’m certainly not avoiding laundry out of spite or laziness.
Right now the dishwasher is full and it can’t be started.
You know when you look in the silverware drawer and all you see is 5 of the super huge spoons and one butter knife? Yeah, that’s what mine looks like right now. The plastic dishes and cups are sitting in the sink ready for scrubbing and the dishwasher is filled with soap ready to go. I can’t hit start and there’s no sense to washing the stuff in the sink because I can’t turn on the faucet to rinse them.
Right now this house needs vacuumed.
There’s bits of sand, blades of grass here and there, crumbles from Corn Chex snacks, random pieces of rice from lunch yesterday that the dog must’ve missed and cardboard lint from the boxes that we’re packing. I absolutely abhor stepping on grit. What used to be a task that was completed everyday or at least every other day has now become once a week- twice if I’m lucky.
Right now I need some music.
The new OneRepublic album “Native” was released last month and I would love to be playing it right now. Yes, I’ve listened to it hundreds of times- with headphones on, or when Mr. Munchkin isn’t running loose downstairs -but I’ll always want more music time. I typically get 3 songs when showering and getting dressed and that’s gonna have to be good enough for now. Maybe when another adult can have listening ears I’ll get more time with the headphones. Music, well… my music, is a luxury that needs to be chosen wisely.
Right now I need to write.
I know it helps me sort out what’s going on in my head. I know it makes things seem doable and less complicated. I know I learn from myself when I’m able to organize my thoughts. I also know it requires my eyes and part of my mind to be averted from my surroundings. I’m pretty great at multitasking but lately the physical and emotional needs have been higher and I need to stay completely present. My personal thought organization can wait for a bit… or so I tell myself.
Right now the needs of our son come first.
Most parents have that philosophy, and on any particular day we give up part of ourselves to bring comfort to our little ones. Nights out on the town are limited or non-existent; conversations on the phone (which would be a welcome loss for me) are difficult to maintain; our sleeping patterns are disrupted. We give those things up without a second thought- maybe some complaining, especially the sleeping part but regardless, it comes with an inconceivable amount of benefits.
Mr. Munchkin’s behaviors and triggers are becoming easier to pinpoint. The ways he comforts himself, the agitations that send him over the edge or situations that cause him to withdraw. We are learning more about him everyday. It’s likely that the triggers may change. Hopefully, “man-made” water sounds, causing him chaos will be a thing of the past. Vacuuming will still be loud, as will his sister’s crying, shopping centers and the playground but we’ll work with him and perhaps, in time, he’ll learn to cope with these distractions constructively.
For right now
I will give up on the simplistic things that give me a false sense of control, especially during times where Mr. Munchkin will be affected.
For right now
I will give up the obsessions that help me feel sane in order to allow my son to feel peace.
For right now
I will give up being a slave to my fear regarding his future and make his ‘now’ as comfortable as possible.
For right now
I will give hugs and kisses, maintain his food and behavior journal, help him learn to cope with excessive stimulation, and listen to the new things that Mommy has discovered during her research and do my best to implement the activities.
For right now… and always
I will give.
I will give more.