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The day had gone fine for the most part. I even felt somewhat accomplished.

Wednesdays are usually really long because Mommy leaves for work before the kids wake up and comes home about an hour or more after they are in bed. Because of this long day we enlisted a friend of ours to come and help pick up the house, distract children while I shower or just offer adult conversation so I don’t go stark raving mad!! Wednesdays have become my new favorite day of the week.

This week is spring break so Mommy is home… and we have our helper… 3 adults in the house at one time. With that many eyes on the kids I was able to pack a few things, clean out half of the office closet, organize it for further sorting, get some laundry done and all the while, the children were entertained. After making a serious dent in one room, Mommy and I went to lunch together, without children! We were even able to go to the store and pick up more plastic bins for packing. This is just about the 3rd date we’ve had since Mr. Munchkin was born. Such a wonderful surprise to get some time to talk without interruptions.

At the end of the day I had renewed hope that we might actually be ready to fill the moving truck in 5 weeks. I had a good plan mapped out in my head so…. I relaxed. I know better than to let the children notice that I’m sighing with delight. My sighs quickly became sounds of exasperation…

  • Disaster #1– Diaper, or Lack Thereof
    Within moments of relaxing, the baby stripped off her diaper and proceeded to pee all over the floor. My “no’s” did not prevent the problem so I began searching for a towel. This scene has played out several times over the last week and every time it happens I tell myself, “self, this is completely your own doing as you didn’t put her pants back on, bad TT.” Since I went through this once earlier today, I wanted to use the same peepee towel. I mean, why should I create more laundry?

    Anyway, the dirty clothes basket is currently housing the step stool since Miss Munchkin has become accustomed to scaring the crap out of me by climbing on top of it and peering out at me from a counter top. After the second heart-attack I decided to move the stool. The towel is being hidden by the stool so I’m running around like a crazy woman. Do you know the look? Glancing left, then right, then left again. Spinning in a circle (that ALWAYS helps) searching the floor– that has no clothes on it, duh. Run to the other room where tiny feet are now gleefully stomping in pee. Go back to laundry area and do another visual sweep for towel… on floor… that has NOOOO clothing.Finally, a synapse fires correctly in my brain and I lift the stool out of the laundry basket, find the soiled towel and start cussing myself out for being so efficient. I clean up the pee and that’s when I notice a peculiar white residue in random places on the floor. I follow it to it’s final resting place… the dog.

  • Disaster #2– Rabid Dog?
    The dog has white foam all over his mouth! There was white residue all over the area he was laying. I got down on the floor to check him out… grab his face in a panic thinking he had contracted some sort of doggy disease. He didn’t bother to lift his head which confirmed he was on death’s door so I totally started tripping out and began shouting “Miles! Miles!!” He finally sits up and gives me the “Wtf? I’m sleeping” stare but heck, he’s a loving dog and forgets that he cared about sleeping and licks my chin. With his movement, I see a small piece of sidewalk chalk under him. Freaking sidewalk chalk!
  • Disaster #3– Ant Invasion
    After knowing my dog was going to live and giving him a couple of hugs, I stand up from the floor. I see a tiny moving object. My immediate thought is “SPIDER! RUNNNNN!!” Ok, I panicked a bit, but in my defense, spiders are creepy and my nerves were already on edge. This miniscule moving thing only had 6 legs– Ants. These particular teensy weensy insects are what I refer to as “scout” ants. It all begins with just a few, blazing the trail for the millions back at the ole ant hill. Miss Queen Ant finds a couple of slackers that she knows the colony can survive without and sends them off in search of… I don’t know what the heck they are looking for! I’ve been told it’s sugar, some say salt but I’ve seen them swarmed around a bottle of dish soap so your guess is as good as mine as to what their true mission is. I’m sure it’s just to give me the creepy crawlies, send me into an OCD cleaning fit and otherwise piss me off. If those were the orders handed down from the queen, they have succeeded.I know that many people are still dealing with cold weather and snow. It’s this time of year that I regret not living in a colder climate. Here in California it is spring, which quickly turns to summer temperatures. With spring, a huge revival of bugs appear. It’s not like they have to go south for winter or that it’s very likely they will have died out during the 2 days when the temperature dipped below 50. They just hide for awhile, giving humans confidence to go about their daily lives- showing little concern when a dog kibble hits the floor, or the kids spill juice on the linoleum and rather than a full-on mop job, a couple quick swipes with a wipee is good enough. Not anymore. The scouts have arrived! Anything that falls must be picked up and the area sanitized.

    Every place I’ve lived in California, I have been greeted by ants at some point. The worst was in a house where the yard had recently been dug up, thereby displacing millions of these little buggers. They sought refuge in the house. They crawled through my bedroom window, onto my bed and over my pillow, which happened to be holding my head. I woke up swiping my face from the tickling and then realized I was covered in ants. AAAAggghhhh! This is not a joke people. It was bad and I freaked out!

    Because of that incident, when I see the scout ants, I lose my marbles! So, I squish the ones I see then pull out whatever I can find that will disguise the trail for those back at the hill. This time it was Windex. I know this is only a temporary fix. I’ll clean. I’ll sterilize. I will eliminate any sign of sugar or salt from counters, cupboards and floors. I’ll work my fingers to the bone but they will come back and this time they will bring their families. Do I really want to be dealing with all this the last month before we move? NOOOO!!

  • Disaster #4– The “Pop-Pop” Debacle
    As I’m spraying all edges and cracks of the house, Miss Munchkin is doing her usual looting of shelves. This time however, she has discovered the stashed candy from Halloween. Yeah, that’s right– Halloween! All these months it has gone untouched but right now, RIGHT NOW is the perfect time for her to find it!! Really?

    How did the candy survive all this time you ask? Well, they are mostly miniature Tootsie pops and Twizzlers. Not a high demand for those here plus, I don’t want to share my movie candy! So, the bowl of candy was pulled from the shelf and it’s fairly heavy and it fell… and spilled… everywhere! Yes, I had squirted Windex all along that area as well. Yes, a large portion of the candy fell in the Windex. Yes, the baby, who had never eaten a lollipop, immediately tried to grab one and stick it in her mouth. I stopped her of course but her denial of a candy she has never known led to screaming, which drew attention to the mess and Mr. Munchkin came running from the other room. He witnessed me throwing “pop pops” away and to a 3 1/2 year old, that’s sacrilegious! Cue meltdown. Oye!

  • Mommy to the Rescue
    Two kids crying and Momma TT wants to pull her hair out. Mommy heads downstairs to see what’s going on and I can’t even vocalize all that has happened. She takes Mr. Munchkin upstairs and with that starts her own succession of mini-disasters. A good deed never goes unpunished.

I know these situations may not seem all that disastrous but in the non-existent parenting manual it is written: “Once one thing goes wrong; another will follow.”

That my friends is my version of a disaster, as miniature as it may be!