Over the last few weeks there has been an influx of information about the hacker that collected data on the Steubenville rapists and the fact that HE is facing more jail time than the rapists!
How is this possible? How can a young girl be scarred for life and the person that brings the actions to the police be in jeopardy of a stricter punishment than the RAPISTS??
Whatever the situation, I’m not here to debate the legality of his actions.
I’m re-posting this blog in light of these newer developments.
Rape is a heinous crime! Don’t let the innocence of a small town, or successful football players, or drunken kids fool you into thinking that this is just a case of “bad judgment”.
People… we can not forget the damage that has been done!
A victim of rape is just that– a victim!
They don’t have to live their life in a victim role but they also need not live with society making excuses for their attackers.
Here is the original post from March 21, 2013:
I’m so angry! So very, very angry!
This was put together by Ms. Foundation for Women.
I am not going to fact check this, I’m sure they did their homework and frankly, I don’t care if this is absolute fact. We all know the sentiment is there and that IS truth.
It’s disgusting, heart-wrenching, stomach-turning truth!
I’m just so mad right now that there is ANY person out there that feels like defending a rapists actions or lamenting their future is acceptable.
The people they violate are going to be affected until the day they die. Why should the attacker not have repercussions? Regardless of what they have to deal with, the consequences they may suffer; the only person that will be affected so wholly and so completely is the victim. The survivor will serve a life sentence. That person will walk through life scarred. Every decision will somehow be affected by the act that robbed them of their dignity, their power, their innocence- in whatever degree it was there.
What about her mother?
The mother of the girl that was RAPED.
How does she help her daughter be strong through all of this? Watch her young life and the innocence it once held be stripped away? Watch her little girl’s NAME be put out there for the entire world to see, to judge? How does she help her daughter rise above? Deal with her emotions? Take back control?
There is no manual for moms and even if there was, I’m guessing nobody would know how to write that chapter.
The boys’ mothers
I do feel for their mothers. They must be so torn between their undying devotion to their children and the most vile act a human can inflict upon another human. How do they look their son in the eye? How do they reconcile the boy they have raised with this inhumane, deviant behavior?
Another chapter that I’m sure would be missing in the manual.
These boys that somehow felt they had a right to this girls body. That somehow their sense of entitlement had no boundary. That for whatever reason thought they could violate and humiliate this girl.
All of those kids.
The kids that knew what was happening, or had an idea of what was going on but stood by, saying nothing, DOING nothing…
What will become of them? Will they wake up one day and realize what they have done? Will they understand that their lack of action and social responsibility has forever altered not only their lives but also the lives of everyone around them? Will they feel real remorse?
We will never really know. Words are words.
Perhaps the ones on the sidelines will have learned a very tough lesson. Maybe when they have a child of their own they will truly understand how they could have changed the course that they must now navigate. Maybe their remorse would be believable and accepted.
The rapist’s on the other hand, who would truly believe they were sincere?
If an apology looked like this…
“I’m sorry that due to my horrific act, numbness will plague you for years. That intimacy won’t be intimate until you meet that one partner that ‘gets’ it and walks the dark path beside you.
I’m sorry that when you have a daughter, you will worry about her being a victim of sexual violence from the time she is born until the day you die.
I’m sorry that every time rape is in a movie, the news, a conversation, that the memory will transport you in big or little ways EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m sorry that when you do finally realize that it was not your fault, that even then the shame will remain and self-doubt will follow.
I’m sorry for the cost of therapy and the time you will spend in Survivor groups.
I’m sorry for the nights you cried, the days you cried, the tears you still shed.
I’m sorry that every decision you have ever made has been affected by my selfish, despicable act.
I’m sorry that when you have a son, you will worry if you are raising him to be a good man; a kind man that has boundaries and self-control and respects all people equally.
I’m sorry that when you have another daughter, you will have to worry for two girls, forever.
I’m sorry that you feel alone in these thoughts. That your pain is isolating even though you are not alone, that there are so many others.
I’m sorry there are others.
I’m sorry that you feel guilty for not reporting the crime.
I’m sorry that you worry that I may have crushed another soul because of your reluctance to report for fear of repercussion.
I’m so very sorry and I know there is nothing I can do.
The damage has been done. I have created this damage. I will leave you with my apology and the promise that I will do everything I can to help remove the stigma that somehow your decision that day was the ‘reason’.
It wasn’t the amount of alcohol in your system.
It wasn’t the clothes you wore.
It wasn’t the look in your eyes or smile you gave.
I will fight to make sure people KNOW I am the only one to blame. I am the only one that could have prevented your rape. Me and me alone.
If I had not raped you, you would not have been raped.”
Words are words. Nobody really knows what is in a persons heart. What secrets they keep. What regrets play through their minds every night but if MY rapist came to me and apologized that way, I might believe.