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You know you’re a parent when the bathroom is no longer private under any circumstances.

  • Got the stomach flu? Just one or “2” good reasons for an audience.
  • Brushing your teeth? Teachable moment.
  • Cleaning? There’s a 3yo ready to “help” get water everywhere!
  • Doing your hair? Now you can get the kids in line to do theirs as well because the bathroom is a child magnet.

Furry children are not excluded…

  • Dog got up the stairs first? He will certainly be found drinking out of the toilet bowl… hopefully it’s been flushed recently.
  • Have to pee? The cat will gladly walk up and down the bathtub getting close enough to flick his tail in your face but if you reach out to pet him, he jumps away, claws extended leaving wounds because of that ONE time he got a bath.

Every day I shower. Every day I expect it to go differently than it does. (What’s that saying about insanity? …doing the same thing expecting different results… let’s just call it momsanity)

I am accustomed to showering after the baby goes down for her nap. Yeah, I’m THAT mom. Unless we have a real plan to leave the house, it’s not likely I’ll be out of my jammies and showered until after 12. Today was no exception. Got Ms. Munchkin upstairs and asleep by 12:30, ran back downstairs to tell Mr. Munchkin I was going to hop in the shower- set out his water cup, some carrots and put on Peppa Pig. I’ve just bought myself 20 minutes.

When I got back upstairs I did my usual preparation for showering with 2 unsupervised children in the house…

  • listen at the door for any baby noises
  • set out clothes
  • place towel on holder
  • put dirty clothes in the hamper
  • close bathroom door just enough to keep cold air out but not all the way so Mr. Munchkin doesn’t jiggle the doorknob and yell to be let inside.
  • check soap holder to see if it needed replacing– yes it did

I try to take preventative measures so showering will go quickly, smoothly and to avoid panic when I’m covered with soap. Regardless of preparation, it’s often that some unforeseen situation will spring up just when I think it’s okay to relax… like today…

  • Turned on the water and the shower plunger was already up so I was shot in the head with ice cold water $#!% Yeah, that happened
  • New soap is apparently harder to hold on to. I know this because I dropped it 4 times. The first time was on my toe, every time after that I did some crazy little dance to avoid having a repeat toe injury (twisting my already jacked-up knee is always a better idea, blah)
  • A panicky thought that the baby was going to wake up as I could hear Mr. Munchkin running up the stairs and yelling outside the door that he had to make yuckies. I told him to come in and do it– quietly.
  • The rush of cold air creating thousands of goosebumps as the door is flung open like the Hulk was entering.
  • Again I insist on quiet and I’m told that what he’s saying is important because he has to make yuckies. “So do it already”
  • Chatting through the shower curtain not thinking to tell him not to flush the toilet since it NEVER happens anyway. Until now!!
  • The 7 seconds of screeching due to the blast of scalding water hitting me
  • To be followed by the surge of ice water and another screech
  • To be followed by panic that I probably woke up the baby.
  • Rinse, rinse, rinse, fast as I can.
  • Get the eff out of the shower!
  • Grab towel and listen outside of door for baby sounds… phew, still sleeping
  • Dry off, get dressed
  • Hear a thud, very loud crying and muffled dog sound. Fly down the stairs in a panic; knee not appreciating the hussle– Mr. Munchkin stepped on one of his 800 cars strewn throughout the living room and fell on the dog, who quickly moved causing another fall.

So yeah, typically showering is less than blissful but today was a far cry from even the usual disruptions. Peppa Pig was still playing so this all transpired within my allotted 20 minutes– Calgon Take Me Awayyyyyyy!